“Margaret Town” by Gavin Zevin

Loving you is the most natural thing in the world. To me, it was like stumbling over a piece of wood. Trip once, trip again.

What the hell are we alive for?

What are we really living for? Some people say it is for love, for ideals, for money, for a better life, for all the beautiful things worth pursuing. Like many people, I pursue what I believe to be meaningful. But what is meaning?

Before we figure out what the meaning is, what is the perceptual experience? We use our eyes, ears, skin, nose and tongue to sense information about our environment, which is then translated into electrical signals and sent to the brain, which then makes judgments about the environment based on the perceived signals and makes physiological adjustments accordingly. For example, when you see rich and attractive food, your brain sends corresponding instructions to make you desire and act to obtain food. When you eat the food that your body needs, your brain will release dopamine, which can make you feel excited and happy, in order to reward you for the behavior that you need to replenish your body.

When you’re playing a game or watching a movie or listening to music, your brain also releases hormones that act as stimulants. These reward hormones (dopamine, endorphins) give you a high, and you become addicted to it. You use this behavior repeatedly to stimulate your receptors for more and longer periods of pleasure. And humans get pleasure from more than just eating and playing. Smoking, drinking, gambling, socializing, romantic relationships, sexual behavior, drug use, even work and career, all of these behaviors are for pleasure, all of these desires are formed by the temptation of hormones. So the question is again, is there a difference between a person who only wants to satisfy desires, and a drug addict?

You know, we already have phenylethylamine in our brains, and brain receptors are stimulated by phenylethylamine to make dopamine, and phenylethylamine, which has the same generic name as methamphetamine — meth!

We give the pleasure we seek a term called meaning, and that term is packaged in the same way that drug addiction works!

It’s hard to believe, I don’t even want to believe, that what we work for, what we pursue, what we believe in, is driven by a compound that’s

exactly like crystal meth! Now, do you still have meaning? Does it make sense?

All first-time drug users do not buy their own drugs, but are encouraged to try them.

So again, who puts desire in our minds? What makes us spend our lives fulfilling these desires by hook or by crook? The answer is 3.2 billion base pairs — DNA

DNA gives us appetite, lust, sex. Appetite satisfies its need to make proteins, physical desire satisfies its need to survive, and sexual desire satisfies its need to reproduce and mutate. When we satisfy these needs in OUR DNA, receptors in the brain reward us (hormones) in accordance with the instructions that our DNA has already given us.

We are essentially vectors of DNA, and in order for us to be useful to it, it has to first install a program called desire that gives the organism everything it needs for its DNA for pleasure. Just as adults use candy to trick children into doing what they want and working hard, DNA uses hormones to stimulate us.

Are we just living for the sake of candy, like children? I think not, the child who is seduced by candy will grow up, one day even without candy, he will be spontaneously strong and hard.

The human ability to deal with complex logical relationships is not just for sensory gratification. When humans grow up, the reward of candy may not be so important anymore!

But, how can we grow up… ?

Home

Wuyi’s vehicle drove across Qingnian South Road
Drive past my window
I stay on tobacco, looking for the moon in leap April
Early morning dewdrops began to condense

Parents are always repairing the broken corner of the tablecloth
I looked down at my shadow and slowly rusted

Parents’ words lost in years
Order to decay in every day’s life
I can’t always pick up the blade
Wave to the shadow in the dark

Immature escape
Abandoned a heavy but valuable jade
Comprehend
The process of growing into a perfect cutter

dusk

I like torn and broken at sunset
Like an old deep well on a hill
Whimpering all day long
Like the chaotic grass in the corner
Desolate fragrance
Like loneliness released from dusk
Soak the whole world
Like crispness when broken and silence when healed
Quiet and empty gaze
Your back
Soaked
Like the joy of waving
But it is helplessness and imitation when parting

If time is a river

The running water flooded the river
The greenery that once looked up at the sky together
In the setting sun, your shameful nickname
Darkness falls into the vortex
I will never find a way back to loneliness
No more rainbow sky
My arms not yet dropped
The red scarf you’ve already lingered away
The unexplored wasteland
I closed my eyes and groped in the dark
Pick up scattered sparks
Someone is struggling
Sigh and regret
I curled up on the green grass where you lay
Wait for drowning

If time is a river

The running water flooded the river
The greenery that once looked up at the sky together
In the setting sun, your shameful nickname
Darkness falls into the vortex
I will never find a way back to loneliness
No more rainbow sky
My arms not yet dropped
The red scarf you’ve already lingered away
The unexplored wasteland
I closed my eyes and groped in the dark
Pick up scattered sparks
Someone is struggling
Sigh and remorse
I curled up on the green grass where you lay
Wait for drowning

I love you like the sky

Did you remember
I loved you in the arms of the sky
I called you silently with blue thoughts
But after all, it became a cloud
Up and down your breath

Can you remember
My lost tears crossed the twilight boundary
Glides on your delicate skin
But you are silently brushed off

I finally lean on your body
But fell into a dust
It seems that there is no land in the vast air
Tremble with your footsteps

Wind and rain
I fell into silence quietly
Bring the solitude of the use and rub it into the body

Do you still remember me
A grain of sand shining brightly in your heart

Untitled

One day I will be so poor that I walk with two fingers
Laughing rhythmically under the pink-green sky

Your movements when looking for life are always awkward
Blood rubs out dirt as it flows but they are still red

If I can be let go of what I believe

There is a voice that can jam my head

Those who lose their secrets win in the selfless field
I just can’t wait for the corners of my mouth to be soft
I can’t cry

Inexplicably afraid to threaten another doubtful one

Drinking tea lying on the grass

Tired of sniffing in the dark, touching the ink with the tip of your nose
Like the flesh escapes into nothingness, nothingness is a bowl of hot soup wine

Those attempts I made always carry some despair
Real fight

I can’t tell you an unethical me